Snakes and ladders

I've been toying with the idea of becoming a home owner. In fact, I've gone and given my number to estate agents, always a mistake. I'm bracing myself for the barrage of calls as I type.

Initially it seemed a bit scary, then I realised that just about every two-bit "celebrity" appears to be a property tycoon.

Take Jordan for example: Her portfolio used to be made up of some lovely glamour shots, but times change, and now it boasts a £1m East Sussex mansion and a £1.75m holiday home in Cyprus.

Abi Titmus is at it as well, the 32-year-old has already bought four homes in the capital, worth at least £2m.

It's not just the girls either, Ziggy - the man whose very name screams "z-list!" - has been telling anyone who'll listen that he's "focusing on increasing his property portfolio". Laughable until you realise that he's actually already bought a half million pound pad in London.

Of course it's the Queen V they all emulate, Posh has seen to it that she and David have homes in the UK, France, Dubai, Spain and LA.

I see a pattern emerging: They have no actual talent between them. If I were Titmus I wouldn't be staking my pension hopes on a serious acting career either, and so I suppose it makes perfect sense to invest the photo shoot money quick-sharp before the surgery starts to sag and the gigs dry up.

It seems unlikely that the ex-spice and pals have been reading George Bernard Shaw, but this quote does make me wonder:
"Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich - something for nothing."

A thought for the day, I think.