I wish I'd written this intro

"The woman who had her pet dog cloned by South Korean scientists flatly denied early today that she was a bail abscondee accused of sexually assaulting and kidnapping a male Mormon missionary more than 30 years ago in Surrey."

In Surrey! Not in Waco, Texas, but Surrey. Who knew that the leafy green costly-property public school outpost was in fact at the centre of a global movement to manhandle male Mormon missionaries?

As for the dog cloning and the South Koreans, I just don't even know where to begin.

Leo Lewis, Ben Quinn and the sub, I salute you!

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