A premonition

Yesterday's blog post was clearly a moment of psychic clarity, for today Liverpool Echo columnist Joe Riley has also vented his spleen about the state of our stations.

http://tinyurl.com/69mgdc

Obviously, I was pleased to read the Echo heavyweight getting behind the broad message of my campaign to address the unsanitary and dangerous conditions in our underground - but where were the pigeons?

Not a tweet from Riley on the fundamental cause of it all.

Maybe it's time to lobby for "Red Ken - Mayor of Liverpool" - he's clearly the only man with a plan on this issue.

Liver birds

Forget the congestion charge, Red Ken's legacy to London is the falcon in Trafalgar Square.

I lived in London for five years, I worked in Leicester Square, and walked through Trafalgar Square each day - I have endured pigeon horrors innumerable.

But none like the life endangering run in I had with a bat-out-of-hell pigeon that dived bombed down an escalator at Moorfields today.

For those that don't know Liverpool, Moorfields is a bit like Kings Cross in that it connects everything, including the Northern line to the Wirral line by a steep, long, underground, enclosed escalator. That a big fat pigeon lives in.

It zoomed down, clipped my head, then sat stupidly at the bottom thinking about other ways freak me out. Flying straight at me did the trick - I screamed, dropped my paper and almost full down the escalator.

Fast forward four hours and I'm at James Street having a nice chat with the Merseyrail man about the pigeon problem - and more importantly what they plan to do about it.

Nothing is what they plan to about it - apparently, "you're alright if they don't hit you in the face".

It's time for the Echo to start calling for falcons in the city - if it's good enough for the capital, then it's good enough for the capital of culture, I say.

Solid gold

Could 19 gold medals have been 20 if Dwain Chambers had been selected to compete in Beijing?

At the time of the ruling I wondered if the British Olympic Association (BOA) had made the right decision: Chambers had said sorry, expressed remorse, and then let his legs do the talking out on the track.

And they spoke volumes - he qualified fair and square and proved himself the fastest 100m sprinter the UK could pit against Usain Bolt.

I felt sorry for him - it seemed a big price to pay for a mistake back in 2003.

But what would it have mattered? Bolt would have beaten Chambers any day of the week and the BOA deserves credit for standing up to Chambers.

The only thing that could take the shine off what we saw in China is a drugs scandal.

Not that I'm suggesting Chambers isn't clean, quite the contrary, he'd be mad not to be after his high profile battle with the BOA.

The scandal would have been Chambers legal victory over the BOA, had he been allowed to run.

So soon after Max Moseley - another case in which the facts of the complainant's unsavoury behaviour were not disputed, but the letter of the law was used to reward a orgy-indulging married man - it is refreshing to see a judge make the right decision.

The "resort to court" culture that is now part of our national psyche is wrong and it's damaging.

Sometimes people make mistakes that they have to live with forever - there's no court appeal option for them because that's just the way it is - but a litigious society encourages us to forget that.

Dwain needs to grow up and accept he should give up the day job.

Team GB are better off with 19 honest medals than 20 hypocritical ones.

Ronson replies

So, I dropped Mr Ronson a quick email via his website suggesting Joyce McKinney as subject matter for his next documentary, and lo! A reply:

"I agree she would be fascinating! I'm in the process of seeing what I can do."

Do you think that entitles me to royalties?

(N.B. Ronson is a kind of cooler, edgier heir to Louis Theroux's brand of oddball investigative journalism. His book Them will give you the idea. And yes, I did consider asking for a job.)

Seal scandal!

Thanks must go to Captain Mac for his erudite analysis of Ms McKinney's behaviour:

Manacled mormons, prosthetic ponies, cloned canines - does all this mad chick's craziness have to involve alliteration?
If so then should we be looking out for bagged budgies, zapped zebras and indignant iguanas?
I think we should be told - get on it Laura!!

In response to this call to arms, I want to assure readers that I am, indeed, "on it" and currently following up a hot lead.

I can't reveal too much at this stage, but suffice it to say McKinney's movements cannot be accounted for during the West Kirby sandbank seal scaring scandal - a story brought to you by the Wirral News.
http://tinyurl.com/5mamfs

Another link that readers may find of interest, yes, it's prosthetics for ponies, a subsidiary company of Animal Rehab Centers of America: http://www.equineprosthetics.com/main.html

I am now awaiting with baited breath the announcement that one of my favourite Jewish journalists, Jon Ronson or Louis Theroux is making a documentary about McKinney. I have taken the liberty of suggesting this to Mr Ronson via email and will be sure to share his response.

Right, I think that's quite enough silliness for one night; only serious posts next week.

News just in

Hello McKinney watchers!

There has been a fresh twist in the ever bizarre tale of Joyce the "manacled Mormon kidnapper" McKinney.

Turns out it's not just Mormons that she's obsessed with, she's got a freaky thing for animals too.

First it was the South Korean puppy cloning, now it's - actually I'll let The Times, who have followed the story so faithfully, take over:

The “manacled Mormon” kidnapper who was exposed after cloning her pet pitbull terrier in South Korea is wanted on burglary charges involving a three-legged horse in the United States.

Joyce McKinney is accused of telling a 15-year-old boy to break into a house in Tennessee so that she could get money to buy a false leg for her beloved horse, her lawyer said.

Prosthethics for ponies - who knew it was so lucrative?

On other business, it has been brough to my attention that there is another possible explanation for the linguistic conundrum that is the phrase "to get caned".

Captain Mac said: "I think caned comes from when drinks like rum were brewed from fermented sugar cane."

I like it.

Meanwhile, the latest news on the future of Cains is that PWC are talking up their chances of finding a buyer "to take control within just a few days" according to the oft over-looked publication The Publican.

PWC said: “We are advertising for interested parties in the Financial Times at the end of the week and that should help us set a timescale for positive offers as early as the week beginning August 18."

Consider yourselves updated.

Friday fun

Maybe I'm going crazy, but I found this hilarious.
It is truly the fail blog of cakes, enjoy!

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

I'm off for a nice slice of Victoria sponge myself.